Tuesday, August 30

> Busy busy busy.

With my eyes half closed, mind totally switched off, im stoning here right in front of my favourite asset grumbling how terrible life was for the past few days. I've been studying really hard, or so i thought, with Hengkai when the sun was at its strongest and brightest, till the moon appears when almost half the population of Singapore are asleep. Day in day out, i've been waking up at 9 or 10am, sometimes 11 to start my race with time, hoping to study as much as i can till about 1 or 2am in the morning. Today is the 5th day.

Sad to say, i havent been studying a lot because there were so many things for me to fully comprehend from scratch. Thanks to not attending lectures and tutorials. CMA and PCA itself can kill me. Seeing Hengkai for the next 10 days, 12 hours in a row kills me even more. LOL. Just kidding lah. On account of our 5 years friendship, including you taking the hassle and forging out money to drive me up and down, to and fro, here and there and ignoring my attitude when i flare up just because i dont understand the concepts instead of flaring with/at me, i shall be nice. I'll wash your dishes and sew your button. Exactly what i've done. LOL. Thanks lah thanks lah.

The thing that kept me going despite this mountain full of stress is love. Somehow an irony, cos its the one thing that made me lose concentration too. It feels good when all the stress whirling and roaming around in your mind, causing you to break down and go bonkers, there's someone out there for me to think of and divert my attention to. And that's not all. The truly wonderful feeling is when you know that anytime of the day or night, that someone is thinking of you just as much.

Sleeping at 3am in the morning and waking up at 9am isnt something nice to do. Yet in the mornings when i wake up, i see a message received from you, i knew my day wouldnt be that bad.

And when my balance sheet cant tally or i cant get the right figure, at that instance when i almost pulled a chunk of hair out or kill myself by gorgeing with MacDonalds, a message received from him melts my heart like totally and feel so much more at ease. That's when i regain my composure and start all over again.

I've many friends who have fallen out of love. Me myself had fallen out of love many times. There were times where i really wanna give up and stop loving guys because im so jaded of getting hurt. Then again, i didnt. I gave love a second chance, many 3 times, 4 times, 5. Never give up on love, cos you'll never know what good it may bring as time passes.

Im glad i didnt, cos now that i found you, life seems a whole lot better. Thanks for making me feel mutual love once again, thanks for loving me for who i am. Thank you my silly one. =)

I've so much more to say, so much to tell you readers how wonderful love can be. Love love, dont hate it. But i gotta start my tedious day of mugging and i dont have much time to waste, so goodbye, i'll be back again.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 10:29:00 am

___________________________________________


Thursday, August 25

> =)

Has my life turn for the better now that ive finally been released from the curse? Geez, i have no idea, but i guess, somehow, my life did turn out better now than before. And boy, you cant imagine how glad i am, i no longer pout as often as i do because there were many more reasons for me to smile. Yet behind all the joyous look on my face, i feel like crying everytime you made me smile, because i dont believe and i still cant believe, i'll be that lucky and fortunate to have a place in your heart.

This noon, i met Gena, Rachel, Samantha and Eugene at Tampines Mall for lunch before heading down to school for CAS lecture. Lecture was at 1pm but we were still waiting for bus at the interchange then. Decided to sneak into the lecture theatre during the break time. Got myself a Little Mermaid tshirt from Giordano. lol. Its pretty! And i love the Cinderalla one on the carrier, but i dont see it in the shop. Oh well, Samantha got a Pooh Bear one while Rachel bought a Snow White one. Its gonna be our Barbies tee, so all barbies, get one today!

Remember many weeks back i said my Swatch watch had a long scratch? Well yes, i got it buffed and polished and once again it became a scarless watch. But not anymore, i got it scratched again, like wth. So i went down to Swatch to get it buffed once again. Not as lucky as the other, this time, the lady said it was an internal crack and nothing can save if from being perfect and scarless anymore. I was so super duper upset. Its the only thing which allows me to remember my group of close friends, now that it has a permanent scratch on the watch, does that represent a permanent scar in our friendship too? Geez, i dont wanna think about it no more.

A little announcement i shall make. Gucci(a poly friend), organised a party at Attica on the 15th of September. Tickets are selling at $15 for ladies and $18 for men, inclusive of 1 standard drink. R&B all night long, get your tickets today! Please contact me!! I promise you a night of fun.

Oh, im so in love with this song right now after listening to it in Wayne's car yesterday. We met for dinner at HongKong Cafe. He was so eager to recommend me their new dishes. Yummy!! Had a good long chat with him. It seems like a million years since we last met though we meet in class once a week during our CDS. I truly treasure this little friendship between us. All the best to you and your girl!!

Oh yes, the song i was talking about. Rather old, but damn nice!

From this moment
(I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything and everything
and I will always care. Through weakness and strength, happiness and
sorrow, for better or worse, I will love you with every beat of my
heart.)

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you
is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

Oh before i forget, Happy belated birthday Edwin, and happy birthday Celine! Both 18, both legal, come to the party at Attica!!

Thank God i found you, its been so long since i felt like im in love again. ilu!

sealed-with-a-kiss < 12:21:00 am

___________________________________________


Sunday, August 21

> BSC sub comm camp

Oh bravo, im finally back home in my very cosy but cold bedroom which i had been missing for the past 2 nights. It was the very first time i actually miss home while being awhile in camps. Was it home that i actually miss? Or was it the computer, or..?

Well anyway, BSC sub comm camp was great. Initially i felt totally moody i cant deny because i knew nobody in my group at all. Damn it, despite knowing so many people in BSC, im allocated to a group with not a single familiar face while my other friends had a companion or more in their group.

Then came the ice breaker when my group - Kailong, broke the ice between us immediately. Everyone single one of em in Kailong were so enthusiastic and fun. And boy am i glad about that. My foul mood disappeared into thin air in just a second, and i was enjoying every moment spent to the fullest. Never had so much fun in camps before. And i realised that Adeline was my Psychology classmate. I was totally clueless about it until she told me. wakkakaka. And she's Angie's and Gena's friend. weee!!

Camp was good in overall though it was kinda short. Saw Jason in school as he was having TPSU camp as well. Camp ended yesterday evening, was supposed to head down to meet Adrian to celebrate his advanced birthday but i was tired, camp ended late, my slippers snapped and so i didnt turn up. Im so sorry my bestie Adrian, i promise to make up to it one day. =)

Ling, Eleanor and i went over to Zhenjie's place while waiting for the others to arrive. I fell asleep at 9pm while reading my book. Eleanor left, Huat came, Delong and Phyllis came too. The guys were playing mahjong, i continued my sleep and Phyllis used the computer. Despite sleeping at 9pm last night, i woke up the last today at about 11am after the others made lots of noise to wake Huat and i up.

I was like the queen lah, lol. Huat and i shared Zhenjie's single bed, Ling on the floor with my sleeping bag, Delong and Phyllis on the floor with a mattress while Zhenjie on the floor near the door. I was freezing in the middle of the night cos Huat snatched the blanket away all for himself. Wow thanks man!! And i got hit by him halfway while sleeping. What sia!

I thought i was going to be bored and lonely for the past 2 nights because i had no one to talk to. But i guess i was wrong. Im a happy happy girl, dont ask me why, but im just a happy happy girl. =))

sealed-with-a-kiss < 5:26:00 pm

___________________________________________


Friday, August 19

> 15 months and going strong

Its been quite a while since im feeling the way im feeling now, though the answer to my very own question is still far from obvious and what i hope it would be. I told myself to make it slow, like a lullaby so i can just put it into my dreams. Im so afraid of falling in, cos i know, i'll never be good enough, never be good enough for anyone, for you. I try to control and refrain myself from feeling the way i feel, cos i feel inferior. I have no confidence, no confidence in myself.

Slow and steady it may seem, percentage of it being part of my own wishful thinking seems even higher. Slow down, cool it, let it flow naturally. Be the girl you've always been Amber, hanging up to sell till someone sincere enough is here to steal you away.

Its been a while, a long long while. Since its 2am, im here not to announce, but to remind myself that i've been unattached for 15 months and counting. That's 1 year and 3 months, and im still going strong. Strong, a word i've always been using on myself. Im strong, i pretend to be strong, but yet time and time again, i fail to be the strong lady i yearn to be. To cast aside all setbacks and face the music of whatever consequences problems may lead. Im always running away, running and shunning from what i should face and handle. Strong, is it too big a word used on me?

I'll be dancing tomorrow at 12.30pm at the Plaza, catch me there if you can. Camp later at night, wouldnt be home for 2 nights. I'll miss my computer, miss my msn messenger, miss...you.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 1:57:00 am

___________________________________________


Wednesday, August 17

> Happy birthday mama

Happy birthday Mama. Getting older! Oh goodness, my mum is already 47 years old. Oops. 22 years ago, mama gave birth to a very quiet boy. A total introvert. 4 years after giving birth to an introvert who shot up like a giant, she gave birth to a wild girl. Not like she's not decent, she is just a bit more wild than any others in the family. 1 year after giving birth to this wild daughter, she accidentally gave birth to another girl who was a tomboy in the past. And now? A sportswoman!



Aah, a happy family. But sad to say, i dont know whats wrong with the cameraman, or was it the camera itself. The picture is so damn super duper blur. I wanted to emphasize on the vast difference in our height, especially my brother who is a head taller than us, and my mama, who happens to be the shortest in the family and also the vast difference with our looks. Only one objective met.

My family was never close bonded. We hardly talk much about our lives to each other. And in actual fact, my brother doesnt even talk to us. He's much closer to my sister definately, but i do not have the slightest clue what's going on on his mind and i feel so ashamed to say that despite living in the same house for 18 years of my life, i do not know much about his character and personality. I do not know him deep enough to call him a brother. How embarrassing.

We havent celebrated any of our birthday(s) in a while. Usually, we dont even sing birthday song or lit up the candles on our birthday cake. I thought this year would be the same, but there was a slight change. My brother's friends were over at my place playing mahjong, and i do not know why, but we did lit up the candles and sang the birthday song. But there wasnt any "i love you mom", not even a peck on her cheeks. Its just so unusual for the Lim/Lin family.

Last night at about 1am, i smsed my mama "happy birthday mom" and this morning when i woke up, i received an sms from her. She replied "good girl". Like hello mom? Isn't it supposed to be a "thank you" or something? Good girl?!?! What sial.

I really hope the Lim/Lin family will stay close together, knowing that a family is always the best cos only your own family members would be the one there for you, always. I love you mom.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 12:56:00 am

___________________________________________


Saturday, August 13

> Ive got a swollen finger.

Got infested by lazy bugs these days. I didnt attend a single lecture the entire week. Goodness gracious, what happened to the trying-to-be-very-studious-amber? Well, i went for lecture on Friday though. It was the one and only lesson i had and guess what? My notes were with Shenglan and she didnt turn up for lecture. No notes = cannot listen = read storybook = fruitless day. Waited for 5 hours before A&F day starts. My gawd.

A&F games day was good. Not that any of us, year 2s won a single match, but we had great fun nonetheless. To the extent of having a bad cut on my finger and i dont know how i got it. I just saw my thumb bleeding suddenly. And i got my index finger badly sprained. Its swollen now and the veins are purple in colour. 13 of us went for dinner at Tampines Mall after that.


That's us. We wore red for the game.

Im supposed to meet up with my polymates for dinner at Marche in celebration of Gucci's belated and Ryan's advanced birthday. But i am totally broke and i feel very lazy to get out of the house. They are gonna club tonight and i dont have the mood to either. So i stayed home, read my book and had dinner with mom and dad at Lagoon.

Dear Gucci and Ryan, im really sorry i didnt turn up for today's party despite the amount of smses and phonecalls and you people trying to pyscho me to. Im really sorry not turning up for your birthday celebration but i promise you the next time there's another party, i'll be there. Promise!

Dad did a very ugly thing just now. He snatched a parking slot with someone else. Both of em didnt wanna give way until the man came out. But to my surprise, the man didnt ask for trouble and instead, gave my dad the slot. Mr nice guy my mom called him. What a big bully dad was. What sia! No ethics lah dad.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 10:34:00 pm

___________________________________________


Wednesday, August 10

> Fireworks with my girlies.

Yesterday was National Day and it was totally awesome. Not that i had a spectacular view of the fireworks, but it was the company that matters. Initially, i didnt want to meet up with my girlies at Cosy Bay last night because i had lotsa tutorials homework to complete and i was really lazy to move and get prepared. But it was a ten years pact i remembered very clearly, and i shouldnt give this meeting a miss.

3 years ago, my girlies from Secondary school, the usual few GB girls [Jinli, Eunice, Sabrina, Jingping, Sizhu, Cynthia etc etc] caught our first fireworks together at Cosy Bay. We had a splendid time and thus, made a pact that year after year for the next 10 years, we'll all spend this day catching fireworks together. And we're not supposed to remind each other at all. But last year, i totally gave up on them and caught fireworks with another group of close friends. I broke the promise and made em really disappointed. But well, i hope for the next 7 years of our lifes, we'll be there catching fireworks at Cosy Bay! Im sure we will.

I love you girlies. You're wonderful, too wonderful to be true.


Myself and Sabrina


Myself and Eunice


I actually took a picture with all the girlies but ya know, the pictures from my handphone cant be uploaded to the computer directly, it has to go through emails and it would cost me a bomb. So i only uploaded these few.

We opened a bottle of white wine and ordered some food. The waiter, who looks totally clumsy and fat, walks like garfield and made all of us panicked while he was pouring wine into our glasses.

Dear girlies, though we hardly meet up, but im really glad all of us made an effort to. All the best for those of you having your As this year. Really hope to meet up soon. Love! Eunice, still as dirty-minded as ever. Sabrina, still as short and sweet as ever. Jinli, still as 'big' as ever. Jingping, getting slimmer than ever. Cynthia, getting prettier than ever.

Signing off,

Yours truly.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 11:54:00 pm

___________________________________________


Sunday, August 7

> Totally wasted.

Let's start off with Friday.

I had no lessons on Friday but i met Denise early in the morning to practice ACCPAC and after which met my dearest brother, Kenny, for a movie at Plaza Singapura. Boy oh boy, The Island is really fantastic. Though im not sure how on earth 2 identical person are gonna continue living in the same place, but it was a truly a wonderful movie not to be missed. 4/5 stars! weeeeeee. Scarlett Johansson is so damn hot. And there are so many other movies i wanna catch. Examinations are coming though.

Saturday, head down to school for the ACCPAC test. Totally screwed because i had to redo every single thing only at the last 15 minutes. And i had 2 faulty reports which i dont know which to hand in. One is the right report with a wrong figure, and the other is the wrong report with the right figure. Damn. After the paper, i saw Edwin and he said he will be heading down to Parkway to meet Marcel and Ian, so together, we waited for Sperm to finish his project and head down together. Had lunch and then i went home for a nap while they went to play pool.

Got up with a shock at 7pm and quickly rushed to get ready and head down town to meet Rachel, Ben and Jerry. Jerry just came back from UK for a short holiday and boy, i havent seen him for 6 years! And even though we have not seen each other for 6 years, it was really fun to meet up again. He's still so full of nonsense, maybe even more. Defaming me all the time and making us all laugh till we go crazy. We had dinner at this Japanese Restaurant and then headed down to Asylum at Clarke Quay. Rachel was dying to make me drunk and wasted. Well, she sort of achieved that because i was totally wasted.

Hengkai, Wenfu, Pascal, Gucci, Ben's sisters and boyfriends came along too. I drank a glass of red wine, followed by screwdriver and lastly long island. Glass after glass and soon my kick starts to come. Goodness gracious, i vomited 4 times and slept on the couch for about 30 minutes. Must have made a fool outta myself. Wenfu sent me home after that while the rest went for supper. I wasnt drunk, neither was i high. But i was so giddy my vision was blurred most of the time and the vomit seems to be chocked at my throat, i cant help but to vomit em out.

It was a really cool day nonetheless. I didnt know i had such fun and nice coursemates. And it was really nice to see Jerry once again. Aite! Shiat! and all the English slangs and nonsense.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 12:38:00 pm

___________________________________________


Friday, August 5

> Love & Lust.

I chanced upon something just 5 minutes ago and i couldnt help but to pen it down.

It made me think and wonder quite a bit. What exactly does a relationship between a dating couple mean? And how exactly can a guy be trusted? Sometimes, i really do pity girls who think that having their guy as their boyfriend is the best thing that could ever happen in their life. All they see are their wonderful, sweet, loving and faithful boy. But what what happens if they were all just a facade and they couldnt see or know or realise what their sweet loving boyfriend have been doing behind their back?

Its really saddening to know the truth when it prevails. Especially when you think your guy is totally faithful and loves you wholeheartedly, but in actual fact, have been fooling around, grinding with girls in the club, having hot sex on the bed or doing things you wish you wouldnt know. Yes, they may just be flinging around and ultimately, you're still his 'rightful' girlfriend in status.

Maybe you say "he can go around flinging and having ONS, but i'll still be his girlfriend and i'm the one he really love, who cares?!" That's all a lie! A lie you've said to make you feel better, consoling yourself. Can you really take the blow when you found out about all these stuffs he had been doing, keeping you in the dark? Can you really accept a guy like this? Can you really share your guy with someone else, someone you dont even know. Not one, not two but many! 10s, 100s, 1000s, you name it.

I'm a girl myself, i know i cant. I cant accept this kinda nonsense. But thinking back, i vividly recall i said this to my guy "if you really need sex, go find a girl and fuck, but dont let me know about it". What kinda statement was that? A totally nonsensical sentence made from me. But yes, i did say that, right smack in his face although i know very well i cant accept my boyfriend being shared by some other girls. Of course i cant, who can?!

But i love myself and my body too much, much more than how much i love him and that gave me the strength to make such a statement and leave him in the end. Now you people ask me, why did i even agree to be his girl in the first place?!

And i can only answer you that love is blind. Though it sounds rather cliche, but yes, it made me blind. But i dont wanna be blind again, i dont wanna have a boyfriend unworthy of my love and time.

Well i still believe that there are great guys out there who doesnt do such stuffs to their girlfriend. I believe such men still exists. But its so hard to know what exactly he is doing while you're asleep, and its so hard to see him lying through his eyes. Oh, i dont know. I dont even know what im typing here. There's so many things i wanna say but i cant seem to use the right word to phrase it. Its so hard to put em in words.

But knowing the fact of how some guys think and the things they do really make me shudder and avoid being in a relationship. Ignorance is bliss, i guess you would be happier when you do not know the truth for the truth always hurt.

Would you rather you be ignorant and not know what your guy you've been loving with all your heart and soul, the guy who you think he loves you with all his heart and soul too have been doing behind your back or would you rather know the truth, get hurt and leave?

sealed-with-a-kiss < 11:27:00 pm

___________________________________________


Wednesday, August 3

> Beach babe? You gotta be kidding.

To think i thought everything would turn out otherwise and that everything had turned for the better, i realised i was wrong. Totally, utterly wrong.

That aside, i shall not get too bothered by it although it had been bothering me for the past 2 days or so. Making me totally moodless to do anything.

School was okay, but i was so in a bad mood that i decided to skip my tutorial and partly because i didnt do my tutorial work lah. I went to the library instead. Gena recommended me a book because i wanted to make reading my hobby. And of course, i dont know if that will work cos i freaking hell cant read an entire book. I'll fall asleep! But the book is kinda interesting, i shall make sure i finish it! The book im reading is Flowers In The Attic.

After that, i went for tutorial at 5 and then met up with the BSC peeps for briefing at 6.30pm. Rushed down to Bugis aftermath for the photo shoot of a new magazine called Snag, featuring in their beach babes issue. My goodness! Beach bapes sounds better. Bape as in bathing ape. wakkaka. Gena was such a darling, she accompanied me there despite the fact that there's a test tomorrow morning at 9am and she havent studied for it yet. What a dear she was. So touched.

But no matter how moody i am, i know (well, i hope) that there will always be someone out there to cheer me up and make me smile, supporting my every decision and encouraging me all the time. I hope (well, i wish) that this time, i'll never feel sad again. I wish (well, i want) to make sure that this is my happy ending. And i want (well, i yearn) that its not my own wishful thinking this time round.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 11:53:00 pm

___________________________________________



* yours truly.

amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*


* commentators.


* mates.

Alan
Alex
Alvin
Andrew
Angela
Angie
Anothergal
Audie
Aychuen
Celine
Daphne
Denise
Emelia
Eric
Eugene
Florence
Gabriel
Gena
Grace
Guang
Ian
Iylia
Jane
Jason
Jean
Jennifer
Jingmin
Jingyang
John
Joshua
Joycelyn
Leanne
Leonard Khoo
Leonard
Leroy
Lina
Lynn
Marcus
Meiting
Nur
Rayner
Ron
Ruoci
Samantha
Shawnie
Siwei
Steven
Weiyang
Yihao
Yuping
Yvonne


* archive.

07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009 11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009 12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010 01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010 02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010 03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010 06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010 10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010 11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010 01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011 02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011

Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com